Sry I called you an 8
I wish my penis had an off switch
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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