i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Will exercising make me less horny?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
