Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
