The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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