Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
