stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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