So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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