my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
