my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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