I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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