just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
