I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
