You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
