I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
