in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
