he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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