doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
