Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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