Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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