She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I currently don't understand fingers.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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