I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize