Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
