first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
