just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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