clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
