Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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