Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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