So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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