She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
