My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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