Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
