I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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