He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
