The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His hands were made for my vagina.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
