Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
