"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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