dude i'm inner monologue high
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.