We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
These 27 Creepy People Did The Craziest Things To Prove Their Love
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.