i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked