well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
