you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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