Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can't talk, ducks in the car