And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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