She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
