he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
