Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
