My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
