We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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