So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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