The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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