i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
