no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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