So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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