Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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