i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
