hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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