my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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