STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
