Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
