I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
