Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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