Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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