I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
