Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
