I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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