she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
