I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
