Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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