singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
