Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There r osticjed everywhere
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
