Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
