Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You need a sexual gate keeper
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
