I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
