so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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