So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
