Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
