Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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