its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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