have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
