is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
