Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
