some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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