one might say we're banned from that church
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
