nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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