She even gives head with a lisp.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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