I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
