I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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