guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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